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07:48pm 22/11/2009
  I am currently going through an inner battle on which road to take socially. My social life has evaporated, which in turn has made me happier, healthier and more productive. After Dave and I kicked the booze to the curb I've developed somewhat of a social awkwardness due to the following : I've lost touch with everyone, ppl don't communicate with you when you stop drinking. & the fact that I don't want to run into people i have to chit chat with sober.

Sometimes I feel mean because i don't want to talk to most, but in the larger picture, everyone who claimed to be close to me, outside of kat and amanda, has not seen more, or caught up with me in about 4 months. I cannot help but be a tad bit resentful towards a handful of people, though I am trying my best to understand and not get upset.

I honestly think the only reason i feel ANY social obligation is because Dave still goes out and enjoys shows, seeing people without drinking. Unfortunately, I know if i'm at a bar with the awkward small town crowd here i will drink and get drunk, and waste a night talking to people who don't give a fuck, and feel hungover the next day.

Recently, it has made people question our status, why is dave out without brittney all the time and so on. I know this bothers him but really it has nothing to do with our relationship or me not wanting to spend time with him, I just am over all that stuff i think. I was never a super social person, and i assume i get my fixing of it at work.

I want to move, but i'm positive I will be in bmore for another year. I think I'm just growing up, and realizing I dont have time or energy to save/share genuine friendships with folks I thought I was at one time close to.		  
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